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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485404">Don't walk past Chinatown after school</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrestedjade/pseuds/unrestedjade'>unrestedjade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pet Shop of Horrors, 幽☆遊☆白書 | YuYu Hakusho: Ghost Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crossover, M/M, Meet-Cute, MerMay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:55:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485404</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrestedjade/pseuds/unrestedjade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuwabara works up the courage to go inside that weird pet shop that gives him the heebie-jeebies.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuwabara Kazuma/Urameshi Yuusuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It really speaks to my time management skills that I started this in February and just squeaked by in the literal last hour of mermay. Any wonkiness with the pet shop itself I'm shamelessly chalking up to it being Count D's second location, so not the same shop we see in the manga. This is clever and not lazy or incompetent on my part at all!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kazuma wasn't sure how long the pet shop had been there on the edge of Chinatown. It looked like it had been in that storefront for years, but he couldn't remember seeing it until a few months ago. Maybe he'd just missed it, but he didn't think so. He liked animals. If the place had been there the whole time, he'd have gone inside at least once, just to check it out. </p><p>He also wasn't sure why he hadn't checked it out. He tended to pick up his pace when he passed by, trying to put space between himself and the shop for no reason his rational mind could come up with. It was just a pet shop. Yet for some reason it hit him the wrong way, sending a cold shiver up his spine whenever he neared it.</p><p>Today he was feeling it again, the unpleasant tickle crawling through his nervous system urging him to go, walk faster, get away. It was getting irritating, to tell the truth. Was it haunted, or something? A haunted pet shop? That could be a thing, right?</p><p>Regardless, Kazuma wasn't about to have his rep endangered by a place that sold goldfish and bunnies. Today he was gonna go in there. He'd settle these creepy-crawlies once and for all, and get his walk home from school back to normal. </p><p>Yep. He was gonna walk inside in just a minute. Just a few seconds. Gonna walk right in! </p><p>Boy, it was darker in there than a pet shop really should be, wasn't it? </p><p>Growling at himself in annoyance, Kazuma forced himself to step forward. It was just a pet shop, for god's sake. </p><p>It was dark inside, for sure. Heavy curtains draped over the windows and walls cut not just the light from outside, but the noise, too. Kazuma could hear the sounds of traffic and activity outside, but it seemed so far away, like the inside of the shop was in its own little world. Weak lamplight played across the deep red drapery, the corners of the room vanishing into shadow. </p><p>The shop had all the expected stuff. Bird cages with canaries and parakeets. Cages for the rabbits and puppies and...ferrets? Did pet shops have ferrets? This one did, apparently. What was weird was the rest of the furnishings. Aside from the animal cages, there was a kind of seating area-- a sofa, a couple chairs, a fancy coffee table. The place looked more like a fortune teller's place, or a brothel out of one of his sister's romance novels that he definitely didn't sneak to read and then skip over half the pages because he got too embarrassed. Covering the smell of animals was the heavy scent of incense. </p><p>There was no sign of the shopkeeper that Kazuma could see. Was this place actually open?</p><p>A hallway led farther back. Way farther back, with fancy, painted doors leading off to the left and right every few meters. The place was a lot bigger than it looked from the front. Kazuma called out a tentative hello, in case someone mistook him for a thief, or something. God, he hoped this place wasn't actually a front for a brothel, or he'd be so mortified he might die on the spot.</p><p>Someone answered him. "Hello?"</p><p>Kazuma jumped at the sound of a male voice, and felt immediately foolish. Of course someone else was in here! The door was open, wasn't it? Following the voice, Kazuma found himself in a side room filled with fish tanks on heavy iron racks. Though he'd sworn he heard someone speak, there didn't appear to be anyone in here. Just the tanks. </p><p>There was no lighting in the room other than the lamps on the fish tank hoods. They cast greenish, shifting light across the floor, the ceiling, and Kazuma himself. The light flickered, making the whole room look as though it were submerged underwater. Most of the tanks were occupied. A few contained what looked like koi, others held angelfish, guppies, or fighting fish. A few others held fish Kazuma couldn't identify other than they were ugly and off-putting, with mouths crammed too full of teeth and oily black scales. Some fish seemed to change somehow when he looked away from them, shifting and melting at the corner of his eye. </p><p>There was one enormous tank running the length of one wall. The glass was overgrown with algae, shading the water emerald green. Something moved inside. Something big, pacing the length of the tank back and forth. Was it a shark? It seemed large enough-- a little longer than Kazuma was tall. </p><p>"Who are you?"</p><p>There was the voice again! Kazuma looked for the speaker, and nearly leaped out of his skin when a guy popped his head over the side of the enormous tank.</p><p>"Wh-what are you doing in there?" It was a stupid question, maybe. But what else were you supposed to say to a guy who suddenly yelled at you from a fish tank? </p><p>The guy pushed a mess of dark, wet hair from his eyes. He looked about Kazuma's age. A part-timer? "What are you doing in here, stupid?"</p><p>Kazuma's temper flared, but the question was a fair one. He was the one who'd decided to poke around. "No one was out front, so I thought I'd look around." Maybe this was a back room only employees were supposed to be in, but it wasn't Kazuma's fault that this shop was run so sloppy. There wasn't even a sign posted. If the place was open, then the shopkeeper should be where customers could see them!</p><p>"Heh." The guy leaned his bare arms on the rim of the tank. Scum from the tank stuck to his forearm. It looked like it was a real mess in there. "Not much to see, is there? This place sucks."</p><p>"It kinda does," Kazuma agreed. He ventured a little closer, looking for the shape of the huge fish through the murky glass and not finding it. Wasn't this guy worried about it biting him? "What are you doing in there, cleaning? It looks like shit." </p><p>The guy laughed. "Tell me about it! Nah," he said, grinning. His teeth looked weird, like they were sharper than they ought to be. Or probably they were just crooked. "If the owner wants it clean, he can do it himself. Not like I'm getting paid to be a maid." </p><p>Okay, now Kazuma was really confused. Did the guy work here or not? If not, what the hell was he doing splashing around in a fish tank? </p><p>"You here to buy something?" The guy's smile wilted, like it wasn't an expression he was real used to making and he couldn't keep it up long. </p><p>Kazuma shook his head. "Just curious," he said. He didn't mention the creepy feeling he got every time he walked by this place. Or the fact that the tickle up his spine hadn't gone away yet. If anything, it was getting stronger, harder to brush aside. </p><p>The guy seemed to perk up a little at that, which was weird if he was an employee after all. Shouldn't he want Kazuma to buy something? </p><p>"What's the weather like today?"</p><p>Kazuma blinked. That was a weird question. "Uh...sunny? Why don't you go outside and look?"</p><p>"Can't," the guy said simply, leaning his chin on his arms. </p><p>"Your boss that much of a slave driver?" Kazuma asked, frowning. "Won't let you walk outside for a minute? There aren't even any customers in here right now."</p><p>The guy smiled again, briefly, and his teeth definitely weren't normal. Kazuma stared without meaning to. Had he filed them down? Why were they...pointy?</p><p>"Hey," the guy said. "What's your name?"</p><p>"Kazuma Kuwabara," Kazuma said. "Do you go to school here? I haven't seen you around before."</p><p>"Nope," the guy said, shaking his head. His wet hair sloshed along the surface of the water. It was really long, for a guy. Or a girl, for that matter. "Name's Yusuke. You got somewhere to be, Kazuma Kuwabara, or can you stick around for a few? I'm bored as shit in here."</p><p>Kazuma had homework to do, in fact, but it wasn't like that had ever been a pressing concern. It wasn't every day he met someone new who, must less someone who seemed kinda cool. Sarayashiki wasn't a school people wanted to transfer their kids into. "I guess," he said, still looking out for any sign of that big fish. Had it hidden somewhere in the tank?</p><p>"You scared of water, or something? You don't gotta stand all the way over there," Yusuke said, chuckling. There was a swishing sound, like he was kicking his legs under the water. </p><p>Kazuma wasn't scared of water. He just had a weird feeling about the fish in that tank, that was all. Still, it wasn't like it was gonna launch itself over the side at him, right? This wasn't a Jaws movie. If Yusuke was safe where he was, Kazuma could get closer. So he did, moving to lean on the glass. The tank came up to his chest, and the glass was seriously thick, almost the width of his palm. It must have weighed a ton. He peered into the water, but it was just more murky green. He could make out what he thought might be sea grass or something, and a few chunks of driftwood for decoration, but no fish.</p><p>"What are you looking for?"</p><p>"There's a big fish in here, so..." Kazuma trailed off, finally taking a look at Yusuke up close. His teeth really were sharp, it wasn't a trick of the light. Serrated, like steak knives. The dim, shifting light from the tank lamps glinted too well off slimy skin, and with his arms raised Kazuma could see three long gashes following the curve of his ribs. They weren't bleeding, just flexing in time with his breaths. His long hair fanned out behind him in the water. Beneath the surface, where Yusuke's body was shrouded in murky green, a massive tail swayed lazily back and forth. </p><p>Yusuke watched Kazuma's eyes widen, smirking. "Find that fish yet?" A tail fin as wide as Yusuke's shoulders gently broke the surface of the water, gray and sleek. Softly, it slapped back down, splashing some water on Kazuma's uniform jacket. </p><p>Kazuma could give a shit about the jacket right now. "Um," he said, blinking while his brain tried frantically to catch up with his eyes. "Are you...a mermaid?" It felt stupid to say it out loud.<br/>
He felt even stupider when Yusuke burst into loud laughter. "What? I'm not a mermaid, you idiot!" </p><p>Kazuma could feel his face redden. Great. He'd met this guy all of five minutes ago and he was never gonna live this down. He knew he'd never let it go if someone said something off-the-wall crazy like that to him. Mermaid? If he was lucky, Yusuke would just assume he was drunk and not terminally stupid.</p><p>After a minute, Yusuke got a hold of himself, reaching up to dab tears from the corners of his eyes. "I'm a mer<em>man</em>. Genius."</p><p>"Whatever, I was just joking anyw- wait, what?" </p><p>Yusuke pushed back a little from the glass, pointing one clawed finger at his own chest. "You see any boobs? I'm a guy." </p><p>Kazuma sputtered. "I know you're a guy, stupid!" Alright, he was gonna wake up in the middle of math class any second now. This shit had officially gotten too weird to be real.  </p><p>"Seemed pretty confused to me," Yusuke said, with a smirk and a shrug.</p><p>"Are you really half fish under there?" Kazuma didn't have space in his brain to get too mad about accusations of being dumb right now. He was too transfixed by the dark shape of Yusuke's tail moving under the water. Was it a trick? A...a costume, or something? They had to do that for mermaids in movies, right? There was no way it was real. Even if Kazuma's Bizarre Crap Warning Tickle was now a full-body shiver.</p><p>"I'm all me, not half fish. But whatever." Yusuke shifted his grip on the rim of the tank, pulling himself closer to Kazuma. "You want a better look?"</p><p>Kazuma nodded brainlessly, and had a half second of utter confusion as Yusuke gripped his shoulders. Then he was pulled forward, down into the water, a cold shock slapping him in the face and a moment of vertigo as his feet left the floor.</p><p>It didn't occur to him to hold his breath. In unconscious panic, he tried to take a breath, choking on cold water instead. Yusuke floated just below him, his laugh ringing through the tank, surrounding Kazuma in mocking sound. Sure enough, tan skin gave way to two-tone gray just below his waist, a large tail bumping against Kazuma's thrashing legs. It looked pretty damn real from here. </p><p>Yusuke's grip on Kazuma kept him from reaching the surface, only a few inches overhead but still too far. Panicked from lack of air, Kazuma lashed out, landing an awkward punch square on Yusuke's nose. The merman's head snapped back, his hair tracing the arc of his movement, but he didn't let go.</p><p>"Aw, quit freaking out, will ya?" Yusuke's voice filled the tank as he shook his head to clear it. A trickle of blood drifted from his nostril to dissipate in the water. "Thought you said you weren't scared?" He pulled Kazuma closer, like he was gonna take a chomp out of him. Kazuma froze, bracing for teeth, but Yusuke only pressed their lips together. </p><p>Kazuma knew he wasn't getting any air, but at once the water stopped burning in his lungs. He could breathe, somehow. Which was a lot to process on top of his first kiss and also maybe drowning, and also this guy was a <em>goddamn mermaid.</em> Too close to focus on properly, Yusuke's eyes glittered with mischief.</p><p>A hand grabbed the back of Kazuma's collar. He was hauled from the water, coughing and sputtering. He dragged air back into his lungs, though it almost felt too harsh. Too dry. The man who'd saved him helped him clamber over the rim of the tank to collapse to his hands and knees on the floor. </p><p>"I'm sorry," the man said, voice smooth and lilting as Kazuma heaved up more tank water. "You'll need to stay well back from the displays. Some of the animals are dangerous."</p><p>Water streaming from his hair and every stitch of his clothing, Kazuma blinked up at his rescuer. The shop owner was a tall Chinese guy, dressed in fancy silk robes and wearing...was that red lipstick?</p><p>"Did you have an appointment?" the owner said, polite and distant, like he hadn't just saved Kazuma from drowning or getting eaten or whatever had been going on. Casually, he flicked water from the sleeve of his robe and pushed a lock of his straight, black hair behind one ear with manicured nails. "I'm afraid you'll have to come back another time if not. I'm quite busy at the moment."</p><p>"It's your own fault for leaving me stuck in here with nothing to do," Yusuke chimed in, looking at Kazuma over the edge of the tank once more. He smiled like he'd just gotten away with something, or like he'd just told a real groaner of a joke. Kazuma stared back at him, unsure how to feel.  </p><p>The owner shot Yusuke an exasperated look that seemed to say 'I'll deal with you later.' His eyes were different colors, one dark and one light. Kazuma had been too surprised by the lipstick to notice at first. The guy was like a creepy, pet-shop-owning David Bowie. His presence filled the room. With slight surprise (because most of his sense of surprise had already been taken up by Yusuke) Kazuma realized he was kinda scared of this guy. </p><p>"How come," Kazuma rasped, throat aching. "How come you got a mermaid in a damn pet shop?"</p><p>The owner turned his attention back to Kazuma, frowning down at him. "That's a very rare and very aggressive species of shark from the Japan Sea. You shouldn't have approached the tank so carelessly."</p><p>Knees shaking, Kazuma pushed himself to his feet. "Bullshit," he said, wringing out his jacket. "I may not be the smartest guy around, but I know that's not a fish. Fish ain't people. That's a damn mermaid."</p><p>"It's merman," Yusuke grumbled. "Dumbass. Get it right." He was still staring at Kazuma as if he were the only thing worth worrying about in the whole room. It was a little intense, but Kazuma found himself staring right back. Now that he wasn't under the water, he wasn't scared anymore. Not that he'd been that scared! It was surprising, that was all! Anyone would have been just as put off as he was! </p><p>The owner took a small step back, putting distance between the spreading puddle of dirty water and what looked like very expensive shoes. "I see." He studied Yusuke for a moment, thoughtful. "Have you ever kept saltwater species before, young man?" he said, addressing Kazuma. "The initial setup can be somewhat onerous, but it's quite rewarding. Many people find that watching fish swim helps alleviate stress."</p><p>True enough, Kazuma hadn't been stressed about school or anything else when he'd been pulled into the tank, except for getting eaten or drowned. Real soothing. More importantly... "You're trying to sell him?"</p><p>"This is a pet shop," the man said, as though Kazuma were five years old and also incredibly slow. "The shark seems to have taken a liking to you, or there wouldn't have been much left of you for me to pull from the water. What do you say?" He stroked his chin, completely at ease with this insane situation. "We can discuss a fair price, along with a care guide and contract you'll need to abide by, of course."</p><p>For some reason, the idea of someone buying Yusuke outright was even more unbelievable than the whole being-a-mermaid thing. "You can't just sell him! He's a person!" </p><p>Yusuke leaned out over the edge of the tank, a curtain of black hair dripping onto the floor. "Aw, c'mon! Don't be a cheapskate! Just get me outta here before I go outta my mind. It's boring!" He was leaning so far out, one hand clutching the edge of the tank while the other reached to tug on Kazuma's sleeve. His gills were already starting to wheeze awkwardly in the dry air.</p><p>"And what am I supposed to do?" Kazuma shot back. "Carry you home and hide you in the bathtub? You're huge, man!" It was stupid anyway. Even if Kazuma had a whole swimming pool at home, it wasn't right to keep Yusuke locked up like that. If mermaids were real-- which apparently they were, and Kazuma wasn't going to be over that for a long time-- then they should be in the ocean, right? Of course Yusuke was miserable in this stupid little tank in a room with no windows, and no one to talk to! He wasn't some goldfish, or something! </p><p>The man smiled, small but genuine. He turned to Yusuke, gently shoving him back to the water when it looked like he was about to overbalance and fall from the tank. "It seems your mind is set on this one?"</p><p>"Yeah, this guy's an idiot, but he's alright." Sulking, Yusuke lowered himself in the water, wetting his gills. "Anybody else you shove at me is getting eaten, got that?"</p><p>"And just like that," the man said, with a helpless gesture, "the decision is made for me. As you can see, this particular specimen is something of a liability, so I'm willing to offer you a favorable deal to take it off my hands."</p><p>Kazuma had just about enough money in his wallet for a sandwich from the convenience store. He knew he wasn't gonna be able to cough up the cash to get Yusuke out of here. Still, he couldn't walk away. Yusuke's eyes were burning a hole through him.</p><p>"It's gonna have to be a hell of a deal, mister," Kazuma said, finally dragging his eyes from Yusuke to look at the shop owner. "I don't even have a job, and I'm pretty broke."</p><p>The shop owner only smiled. "I'm sure we can reach an agreement."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The inherent sensuality of fish tank maintenance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>That scummy aquarium glass needs to be addressed. Featuring light canoodling.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The shop was never all that busy, was the weird thing. Kazuma had been nervous about helping customers at the beginning of his first shift, but there was never more than one at a time, and usually several hours apart. The owner-- he boss now, he guessed-- could easily handle them all himself, and seemed to prefer that. All Kazuma had to worry about were the menial chores that kept the shop running smoothly. Cleaning the cages and tanks, feeding the animals, and keeping the place tidy. It was a lot of work, but he didn't have to talk to anyone other than the boss.</p><p>And Yusuke, who was the whole reason Kazuma had picked up the job in the first place.</p><p>"Y'know, I was kinda hoping I could leave," Yusuke grumbled, watching Kazuma scrub algae from one of the definitely-not-goldfish tanks. One of the definitely-not-a-goldfish was whispering something that Kazuma steadfastly ignored. "Doesn't do me much good if you're stuck in here, too."</p><p>Hours had been wasted trying and failing to explain the concept of money and the fact that Kazuma didn't have much to Yusuke, so Kazuma didn't try again now. "Just be patient. The debt should be paid off soon enough, then I'll take you wherever you wanna go." Gingerly, Kazuma reached his hand into the next tank, hoping its occupant would keep its teeth to itself while he cleaned. </p><p>Head pillowed on his arms, Yusuke groaned. "Fine," he sighed, moodily slapping the surface of the water with his tail. "You're doing mine next, right?"</p><p>Kazuma turned to look at Yusuke drawing crude pictures of fish in the thick algae growing on the glass of his own tank. "Do it yourself if it bugs you so much. I don't see your arms broken." It was a line Shizuru had used on him when he was younger and didn't want to do something, and he was starting to understand why she said it. He wasn't here to be a rude merman's personal maid!</p><p>Yusuke heaved an even bigger sigh and flopped his arms over the edge of the tank, dripping all over the floor. "I shoulda just stayed in the damn ocean. All anyone up here does is nag and hate on me."</p><p>What a drama queen. "Man, cleaning all that glass would take forever. And you're already sold, so it's not like anyone needs to see in there."</p><p>"Who cares about people seeing in? Maybe I wanna see out," Yusuke whined. "Why don't I gunk up your home and see how you like it?"</p><p>The worst thing about Yusuke's guilt trips was that they worked. He knew Kazuma felt bad about the fact that he was stuck in the tank at all and milked that for all it was worth. This week alone, he'd conned Kazuma out of his snacks three times, and talked him into bringing over a whole stack of magazines to look through, the pages of which were now all crinkly and water-stained. Rolling his eyes, Kazuma finished up with the tank he was cleaning and carried his supplies over to the giant tank that housed Yusuke. "If you drag me into the water again," Kazuma warned, rolling his sleeve up, "I'll kick your face in."</p><p>"I doubt it," Yusuke scoffed, but he obediently kept his hands to himself, watching Kazuma work. After a couple minutes, he said, "You're not clearing it all the way."</p><p>"Yeah, well, this tank is big and I can't reach that far down." Kazuma already felt like he was in a risky position, leaning over the side of the tank to stretch his arm as far into the water as he could. Yusuke thought it was really frigging hilarious to dunk him under the water when he wasn't paying attention. After the second or third time it happened, Kazuma wised up and started keeping a close eye on him, ready to jack him in the face if he tried anything. </p><p>The guy was a lot of trouble, that was for sure. But that didn't mean he didn't deserve to be free, so Kazuma would deal with the occasional drenched outfit and lungful of tank water for a few paychecks until he had Yusuke paid off. </p><p>He wasn't totally sure what to do after that, to be honest. Kazuma didn't have any way to get him to the ocean. Shizuru didn't have a car, and trying to manhandle Yusuke onto the train was probably a no-go, and would he even be okay out of the water for that long? Maybe Kazuma could work something out with the Count. After all, the guy had gotten Yusuke all the way here somehow. Would that cost more? How many months of work would that add? </p><p>Kazuma sighed, watching bits of algae float free into the water as he scraped the glass. This was such a simple thing he was trying to do, but it sure as hell wasn't easy. </p><p>While he worked, Yusuke dived back under the water, peering happily through the newly cleaned glass. Resurfacing, he coughed up a clump of algae, spitting it onto the floor like a spent plug of tobacco. "Be cool if you'd clear off all of it."</p><p>Pulling his arm from the water to give it a rest and ease the soreness in his ribs where the tank edge was digging in, Kazuma rolled his eyes. "I just said I can't reach. If you care so much, then do it yourself. I ain't your maid." With that, he tossed the scraper to Yusuke, who caught it more out of reflex than any desire to use it going by his scowl. </p><p>"What the hell," Yusuke grumbled, looking from the scraper to the glass and back. "Like this?" Setting the scraper on its edge, he dragged it along the glass, sending up a horrible shriek.</p><p>Kazuma dove for Yusuke's hands to stop him. "Not like that! Look, you're scratching the glass all up!" Sure enough, there was a new, deep gouge in the glass. The glass was so thick there was no chance of breaking it, but putting a bunch of ugly scrapes on it would be sure to piss off Count D. It'd probably come out of Kazuma's paycheck, too, which meant it'd take even longer to pay off what he owed. </p><p>Grinning, Yusuke let Kazuma take the scraper from him. "Gee, I guess I'm not smart enough to figure it out."</p><p>"You're just lazy," Kazuma snapped. Moving to the valves lining the wall, Kazuma shut off the hose that fed clean water into the tank. Slowly, the water level started to fall as the filter pulled water out into the sump with nothing to replace it. </p><p>"Whoa, hey," Yusuke said, swimming in an anxious circle. "I was just joking around, you don't gotta go that far!"</p><p>"Chill, I'm not gonna drain the whole thing." Kazuma did, however, take a moment to let Yusuke figuratively sweat it out until the water was only a about a foot deep. "I just don't wanna have to dunk under the water to clean the rest." He reached over to shut off the outflow valve as well, and the filter gurgled to a stop.</p><p>Yusuke curled up awkwardly in one corner where the sand was a little lower and watched as Kazuma stripped down to his boxers to avoid soaking his clothes. "Why not? You still scared of the water? It's not like I'd let you drown." </p><p>"I'm not scared, and that's not the point," Kazuma said, feeling the tips of his ears heat up. Yusuke saying something sincere was rare enough that it caught him off guard every time it happened.</p><p>Keeping hold of the scraper and climbing over the edge of the tank without either accidentally cutting or racking himself was easier said than done, but Kazuma managed. The water was as cold as ever, but it was easier to deal with considering he was only kneeling in it, not submerged. </p><p>This glass, Kazuma decided, must never have been cleaned since the tank was first set up. He was no expert, but he was pretty sure the algae shouldn't be this thick. It was stuck to the glass like cement, leaving him no choice but to slowly chip away at it with the scraper. Despite being razor sharp, the scraper itself probably wouldn't survive this kind of marathon battle. </p><p>Less than useless, Yusuke watched the bits of scraped-off algae drift through what was left of the water. "Damn, what a dump."</p><p>Kazuma had to agree. Being stuck in this tank was no way to live, but it could at least be clean. "How'd you end up here, anyway?" If someone had abducted Kazuma and locked him up in a tiny little room, he'd be a lot angrier than Yusuke seemed. And while the count was weird and kinda scary, he also didn't feel like the type to kidnap someone from their home. At least, Kazuma didn't like to think he was working with someone like that.</p><p>"I was bored," Yusuke said, shrugging and refusing to meet Kazuma's eyes. "Thought I'd see how stuff works topside." The water wasn't deep enough to swim in, so Yusuke walked himself across the tank with his arms, his tail stirring up sand as it dragged the bottom. "I wasn't really banking on there being so little water up here, you know?" Wrapping his arms around Kazuma's shoulders, Yusuke draped himself over his back. "How long's this gonna take you, anyway?" </p><p>The unexpected weight dragged Kazuma from a kneeling position to sitting flat in the water. "Cold cold cold!" Kazuma hissed. And now his boxers were soaked through. Great. That was gonna make for a real comfortable walk home. "Would you knock it off?" He tried to pry Yusuke off, but that only made the jackass dig his claws into Kazuma's skin. "Ow! What the hell? You're not helping!" On top of everything else, there was also a new scratch on the glass from where Kazuma's hand had slipped. </p><p>Yusuke sighed, his breath vaguely fishy, which must have been what sent a small shiver down Kazuma’s back. "Bored." </p><p>"You wanted me to clean, so I'm cleaning." Kazuma tried once more to get Yusuke to let go, and once again Yusuke only gripped him tighter, his chest pressed stubbornly against Kazuma's back. He was wet, and kind of slimy. Kazuma supposed it served him right for caving to Yusuke's whining in the first place. This wasn't the first time he'd been tricked into this stupid tank, and he wasn't faring any better than before. "I'm ain't here to keep you entertained." </p><p>"Oh, yeah?" Moodily, Yusuke slapped his tail down, splashing water against the sides of the tank and, of course, all over Kazuma. </p><p>Taking a moment to unclench his jaw, Kazuma said, "If you wreck my hair, you'll wish you were just bored."</p><p>It was the wrong thing to say. Yusuke's eyes lit up. "Oh, yeah?" he repeated, in a more cheerful and therefore far more worrying tone. He shifted against Kazuma's back, subtly adjusting his grip on Kazuma's shoulders.</p><p>"You're not slick, y'know." Well, figuratively Yusuke wasn't slick. Physically, he was distressingly so. "And I'm holding a really sharp razor, so don't be a dick."</p><p>"Is that a threat, tough guy?" Yusuke said, sounding hopeful. </p><p>Alright, aside from his hair getting messed up, there was a good chance one of them would end up getting cut by the scraper if Yusuke decided to go heavyweight champion on him. Kazuma wasn't in the mood for either. "If you keep acting like a jackass, I'm not cleaning any more crap off your stupid tank ever again."</p><p>Yusuke slumped, his hair curtaining over Kazuma's arm and sticking to his chest. "Ugh, fine. Lame."</p><p>For a few minutes, Kazuma focused on scraping algae, letting Yusuke sulk. After a few more minutes, Yusuke's weight against him went from embarrassing, to awkward, to merely annoying. When Kazuma shuffled farther down the side of the tank to keep working, he ended up having to tow Yusuke along with him, gaining a few new scratches on his chest each time. </p><p>"Would you get off? You're making this take twice as long." </p><p>Yusuke shook his head, his chin digging into Kazuma's shoulder with the motion. "The air feels super heavy and the glass is too gross to lean against."</p><p>Was this guy ever satisfied? "So lie down in the water, it's still deep enough." It was up to Kazuma's hips sitting on his knees, and cold. Yusuke was helping to warm him up a little but that was presenting its own…problems. Maybe it was for the best the water was so chilly. Kazuma sighed, feeling his face burning up. What a confusing couple of weeks this had been. He went back to scraping algae, trying to focus one hundred percent on the stubborn scales of gunk. The squeak of metal on glass set his teeth on edge.</p><p>"God, that noise is annoying as hell."</p><p>"You're annoying as hell," Kazuma said, glaring at a patch of algae that might have mutated into a barnacle with how hard it was stuck. He didn't actually know what a barnacle was. Something that stuck to things.</p><p>Yusuke sighed. "It doesn't have to be perfect, y'know. This is taking forever." In truth, only about half an hour had passed since Kazuma drained the water. That didn't stop Yusuke from complaining the entire time even while he was getting his way and getting the tank cleaned up. "My gills are dry," he grumbled. Sure enough, his breathing was gradually getting labored, gills wheezing as they struggled to work out of the water.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Kazuma kept working, moving to a new section of glass with his heavy, whining anchor in tow. "There's water right here, idiot. If you sit here and dry out, it's your own fault."</p><p>"Uuuuugh.” Yusuke’s tail slapped the water in put-upon disgust. “The water’s so gross now— I’ll get algae stuck in my gills.” </p><p>"Don't complain when I'm just doing what you asked me-" Clawed fingers turned Kazuma’s face to the side. Yusuke’s lips were soft, and Kazuma didn’t actually register that he was being kissed for a second, not until Yusuke was already pulling away. After another second, Kazuma also remembered to breathe. His throat was dry.</p><p>"Man, I thought the tank was boring when it was full," Yusuke said, no longer wheezing and once again clinging to Kazuma's back like a starfish. He even went so far as to loosely curl his tail around Kazuma's knees.</p><p>"Seriously," Kazuma said, trying to finish up with the last section of algae while also trying to get his head around what amounted to a weirdly long cuddle session, and the unexpected kiss. "What's up with you? You're being weird."</p><p>"What's weird?" </p><p>Was this jackass actually gonna play dumb and make him spell it out? Kazuma huffed. "You keep hanging off me." And kissing him. But maybe that shouldn’t count. The first time Yusuke had kissed him, Kazuma had been able to breathe underwater, which had been freaky at the time but also sort of cool. This time was just the opposite, wasn’t it? It wasn’t a real kiss— it was just some magic breathing-help-whatever. And that was good and cool and not something Kazuma needed to overthink.</p><p>So he wouldn't, dammit.</p><p>Yusuke settled his chin back on Kazuma's shoulder. "So? It's not like there's anything better to do." His tail fin flicked, splashing Kazuma lightly. The water missed his hair, at least.</p><p>There were better things to do, now that the algae was nearly gone. For starters, Kazuma needed to climb back out of the tank and get dressed. Then he could refill the damn tank, since Yusuke hadn't stopped whining about it for more than ten seconds this whole time. He was cold and he was sure Yusuke was leaving some kind of gross slime all over his back even though, to be honest, it didn't feel all that gross now that he was used to it. And Yusuke was warm. And for all his constant complaints, he didn't seem that put out. He actually seemed pretty happy. </p><p>It must be nice to be able to see out through the glass again, after being stuck staring at a solid wall of green for so long.</p><p>"There," Kazuma said, as the last of the algae peeled up under the scraper blade and dropped into the water. "All done." The glass wasn't perfect, but it looked a thousand times better than it had before. Despite how tedious the last hour had been, Kazuma couldn't help but feel a bit accomplished. </p><p>He'd expected Yusuke to be excited to have the tank refilled, but he only clung onto Kazuma tighter. "You sure?" he said, his usual flippant tone wavering just for a second. "I mean, there's three other walls still."</p><p>He couldn't be serious. Did he hate algae that much? "They don't face out, so I doesn't matter if they're covered." If Kazuma tried to scrape every inch of the tank he'd be here all night. Plus, his arms might fall off. Cleaning the glass was harder work than it looked. "If you want those ones cleaned, I'll leave the scraper here for you."</p><p>Kazuma made to stand up, nudging Yusuke's tail out of the way with his knee. Yusuke made a distressed sound in the back of his throat. Maybe Kazuma had accidentally kneeled on one of his fins. </p><p>"I hope all that gunk doesn't clog up the filter when-" Kazuma felt his feet move out from under him as Yusuke's tail tripped him up. There wasn't much water left in the tank, but it was enough to both break his fall and completely drench him, including his hair. He resurfaced to the sound of Yusuke laughing. Of course the stupid punk did that on purpose! After Kazuma specifically told him not to!</p><p>Something slimy slid down Kazuma's face, and he raised his hand to peel a big wad of algae off his cheek. </p><p>"Looking sharp," Yusuke said, pointed teeth bared in a grin. "That's a good color on you."</p><p>"You dickhead! It's not funny!" Now that he was completely soaked and his hair was ruined, there was no reason not to kick Yusuke's ass. Kazuma dove for him, and with the water level so low, there was little Yusuke could do to dodge him. </p><p>Not that Yusuke seemed to care at all. He kept smiling the whole time, like getting into a scrap with Kazuma was the highlight of his day. The shallow water didn't pose that much of a disadvantage after all, and Kazuma remembered, just as Yusuke used his tail to flip them over, that the water was definitely still deep enough to drown in. His eyes widened in shock as he went under for the second time. The sand was too soft to get leverage against, his heels only stirring it up to cloud the water. He scrabbled blindly at Yusuke's arms and chest, seeking a handhold to pull himself up. Along Yusuke's side, Kazuma's fingers suddenly caught in something warm and slick.</p><p>"Ow!" Yusuke jerked back, dragging Kazuma along with him by his trapped hand. Kazuma coughed, blinking water out of his eyes. He tried to pull his hand back, only have Yusuke stop him with a tight grip on his wrist. "Hold up, don't move. Time out, okay?"</p><p>Once he was able to see clearly, Kazuma blanched. The fingers of his left hand were hidden from view, sunk into one of Yusuke's gill slits. "Oh, gross!"</p><p>Yusuke glared at him. "Yeah, 'cause that's the problem," he said, leaning down to take tension off Kazuma's arm. His hair traced a cold, wet line up Kazuma’s torso. "How the hell did you even do this?"</p><p>"How should I know? Maybe quit trying to drown me and crap like this wouldn't happen!" Kazuma tried his best not to look at the spot where his fingers disappeared inside Yusuke’s side. </p><p>"As if I'd ever let you drown," Yusuke snapped, offended. "I was just messing with you. Don't be stupid." Gingerly, he grasped Kazuma's hand, helping him work his fingers loose. They both winced each time Kazuma's fingertips brushed against the gills. It must have been painful, for sure, but from Kazuma's side it was just...super gross. Like he'd grabbed Yusuke by the lung, Mortal Kombat style. When his hand finally slid free, it was coated with thick strands of mucus and a bit of blood. Kazuma felt a pang of disgust at the former and guilt at the latter, and rinsed his hand off in the water. </p><p>Neither of them were in a roughhousing mood after that, leaving Kazuma once again sitting in the water with Yusuke fully disrespecting his personal space. Yusuke rubbed absently at his side, his abused gills already beginning to wheeze again as they dried. </p><p>"Are you gonna be okay? Should I get the count in here?"</p><p>Yusuke shook his head, the ends of his long hair tickling Kazuma's stomach. "It's just a scratch, chill out." </p><p>Kazuma frowned, listening to Yusuke struggle to breathe. Beating up guys on the way home from school was one thing, but it wasn't like Yusuke could go to the doctor if something went wrong. "Um, shouldn't you get them wet, or something? That doesn't sound good."</p><p>"Water's all sandy now." Yusuke wheezed pitifully. "It'll scratch my gills more."</p><p>Alright, now Yusuke was just trying to get sympathy. Kazuma was about to ask what the hell he was supposed to do about the sand when Yusuke leaned over and kissed him again. He pressed in forcefully, his weight making Kazuma slip, falling from his palms to his elbows in the water. By the time he thought to raise a hand to push Yusuke away, it was already over, and Yusuke was breathing comfortably again, gills quiet. It was becoming a pattern.</p><p>"That's better," Yusuke said, sighing in relief. </p><p>"Um," Kazuma said, goosebumps rising on his skin as his hair air-dried and Yusuke remained very close to his face. He could feel blood bead up on his lower lip where one of Yusuke’s teeth had nicked him. "So, are you gonna move, or...?"</p><p>"If you're still here, Mr. Kuwabara," the count said, breezing into the room with a cup and saucer in hand, "would you mind giving the rabbits a small portion of glutinous rice from the fridge before you-" The count stopped short in the middle of the room, silently staring at the pair in the tank. Without another word, he turned on his heel and walked back out the door.</p><p>"Hey, wait!" Kazuma called after him, mortified. "Boss! It's not what it looks like! Come back!"</p><p>Footsteps and Mandarin grumbling receded down the hallway. From above Kazuma came furtive snickering. </p><p>Kazuma sighed and glared up at Yusuke, who wasn't even trying not to laugh in his face. "Thanks a lot! Now I look like some kinda weirdo."</p><p>Not looking the least bit guilty, Yusuke grinned. Up so close, his smile commanded Kazuma’s full attention. Probably just because his teeth were so sharp. "What do you care if he thinks you're weird? You should be able to tell." Reaching out, Yusuke tapped the space between Kazuma's brows, dripping water into his eyes. "That's guy's the weirdest thing in this whole place."</p><p>Kazuma stared up at Yusuke, and doubted that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Regarding Kuwabara's payment plan: we all know Count D isn't about money. Think of Kuwabara's part-time job as a trial period, to test his resolve. With adults, D is happy enough to let them make whatever potentially fatal mistake they're going to make, but he tends to go a bit easier on kids. Won't Kuwabara be surprised when he gets to keep his paychecks?</p><p>Also, if Kuwabara was the first to offer to scoop litter boxes and fill water bowls, D just might go for it. Besides, this isn't his main shop in California, so he doesn't have his detective to keep him company over here. :V</p>
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